Payton Nadine,
December 14th, 2012 was an extremely sad day in our Nation. One of the most horrid, violent acts in our history became a reality at an elementary school in Connecticut. A man entered a school and killed several children and teachers.
This nightmare hits very close to home. I am a 4th grade teacher, and the fear of something like this happening in my school becomes a reality that I can't imagine facing.
As a person, I am disgusted and outraged.
As a teacher, I am sad and heartbroken for these families, this school, and most of all...the children.
As YOUR mother, I am so incredibly terrified. You are only 11 months old, yet I am absolutely sick over the thought of you going to school one day. I have cried and cried the last couple of days in fear of what kind of world you will grow up in. If you watch the news, it just seems as if our world is becoming an increasingly scary and ugly place to live in. It seems that darkness, bad people, and violence are taking over...
However, as I have had time to sit and reflect, I refuse to be scared. I refuse to raise you in a way that causes you to fear and worry over things such as this. There are too many reasons why we should not live this way...and here are two of those reasons....
1. Your daddy and I trust, love, and believe in Jesus Christ. He is our Lord and Savior. The Lord has a PERFECT plan for me, your daddy, and most of all...you. Our life is in his hands, and we are here for his purpose. We shall not live in fear as to what this life holds or what our purpose is..or how our life will end up. We must live to trust him, and that our purpose is perfect. If we live this way, we live in faith, and we will not live in fear. Through this tragedy people have questioned God and where was our God when these horrible things happened. We know better than to ever question this. God gives us all the freedom of choice over our life. What we choose to do with it is up to us. The Lord is weeping with our Nation during this time. God is Love, and weeps with us at the choices of this man. We know that God was there. He was there in the teachers who protected their children. He was there in the police officers who ran into the building to risk their own lives. He was there in the community who out-poured their love, tears, and support for these victims. God was there. In this house, we will never question that. In this world, the peace and Love that God provides our family is essential. I feel so worried and scared for you, but then I realize that you are God's child and that he will always protect you.
2. There are so many good people on this Earth doing great things. We see so much of the yucky stuff, that it makes it hard to remember this. There really are so many great people. I hope and pray that as you grow, you are surrounded by these people. I hope you always choose to surround yourself with positive people, people who do good for others, and people who love God. It is these people who will help to shape you into a wonderful, and productive member of our society. Always choose Love, Payton, and be kind to all that you meet-for there is always someone who is fighting a tougher battle.
Our President, Barack Obama, gave a speech last night to the country in the wake of this horrible tragedy. He made comments about parents, children, and our country. You were sleeping soundly in your bed during this speech, as your daddy and I sat on the couch welled with tears listening. He spoke so true to our heart. He said:
"To have a child is to forever have your heart walk outside of your body."
This is exactly true. I have never worried so much, prayed so much, thought so much, hurt so much, or been as happy until you came along. I do literally feel as if my heart walks around and travels with you. I want so desperately to shield you from this world, to shield you from all negative, hurtful, and horrible things. As I sit and watch you smile and laugh, part of my heart breaks. You are the definition of pure innocence at this point. You smile at every stranger you see. You laugh without a single care in the world. To you, this is one big, happy fun place. If only you could never grow up, or if only we all had your innocence. I am heartbroken knowing that you will soon be struck with reality. In a few years, you too will experience anxiety and fear as you slowly realize that life can be scary.
I wish I could keep you in a bubble forever. I wish I could save you from your every fall. I wish that you would never experience hurt, heartache, pain, or anything else for that matter. I wish for no one to ever hurt you, betray you, or make you sad.
I do know that these are all just that....wishes. You will experience all of these things, unfortunately. Knowing this, I will do my best to raise you in a God loving home, a place where you will always be safe, loved, and protected. I will prepare you for these life challenges so that you can conquer and defeat each one. I will raise you to be strong, confident, and kind. If I can do this, my job as your mother will be complete.
You are my hope in this world. You are my love. You are my life.
I believe that God's purpose for my life, was to have you. To raise you in his love.
I will do my best and I promise you that.
I love you in a way that I could never possibly explain or put into words.
There are no words for a love this deep, this passionate, and this large.
Love,
Mommy
No comments:
Post a Comment