Bottle Blues...

It's February 5th, and you are only 12 days old. When I was pregnant with you, it was my perfect hope and dream to breastfeed you entirely, for at least a few months. Before getting pregnant with you, I always thought of breastfeeding as "gross" or just "not for me." That all changed when your little heart started to beat in my belly. I wanted to give you the healthiest, safest, and best start in this life that I could. Doctor's, nurses, classes, everyone preached to me how important breast milk was going to be for my newborn's healthy start. I knew that it was going to be hard...But didn't know it would be this hard! We have had issues with you eating enough and you have been crying so much, and are so hungry. Daddy has been the most courageous and constant supporter for me through these past couple of days. We work together to try to help you eat, because we both want desperately for this to work. Your health is our number one priority, and we are determined to do anything we can to wait as long as possible to introduce formula. Your Daddy has called hot lines, nurse lines, 24 hour lines, and the hospital at all hours of the night; he has spent hours in the middle of the night reading and searching online for ways to help mommy and ways to help you.We have to make sure you are getting the proper nutrition, so we decided to throw in the towel. 12 days have felt like 12 years. We took you into the hospital today because we felt like you just aren't getting enough to eat. They made me give you a bottle because you are losing to much weight. You have lost nearly 1 1/2 pounds so far. So today, on February 5th, Daddy fed you mommy's milk out of a bottle for the first time..and we got some sleep of which we have needed for a long time..

Love,

Mommy

A Message From Granny Jordan...

To My Precious Baby Squash

 

Dear Payton,

 

We waited a long time for you.  A couple of years honestly.  I would watch your mother cry and wonder why she wasn't pregnant.  I tried to reassure her that God knew what he was doing and that in the right moment he would bless her with one of his children for her to care for the rest of her life.  When your mother was going through her struggles and trying to find her way in this journey, I never stopped believing that God would give your Mom and Dad the perfect baby and he did; he gave them you.

 

Neither your Mother or Father was fed with a silver spoon and both have beaten the odds.  Statistics would have condemned them both coming from single mothers establishing that they would probably never become successful or educated.  Your mother has just recently obtained her Masters in Education!  What a huge accomplishment.  Your mother NEVER let anyone slow her down or make her believe she couldn't do it.  Your Father also has a degree and is very successful in his business.  Just last year with his short tenure at his place of employment won Salesman of the year and won a trip to Puerto Rico.  By the way, you went on this trip too, but were in your mothers womb

 

I have rocked you and sang to you, looking at you wondering what God has in store for you?  Of course as your Grandmother, I want only the best for you; the perfect fairy tale life is what I imagine.  Unfortunately in this world of which we live, the reality is that you too will face obstacles to overcome, temptations that you must ward off, beliefs that you must defend and yes, a broken heart from time to time.  But with that being said, I would like to give you some advice and tell you from an old soul who has been around the block a time or two, what my wishes and advice are for you. 

 

You must believe in God and our Savior Jesus Christ first and foremost!  This doesn't mean you have to walk around with a Bible proving to people that you believe.  You need to hold your belief sacred and in your heart.  You need to thank him for your blessings and acknowledge him for that.  You need to also lean on him when times get tough and he will guide you through it.  Your faith will be tested and the Bible even warns us about that, but hold true to him and he will be true to you.  Sometimes he doesn't answer prayers and we don't understand why and think it's all going to fall apart, but he knows the big picture and after time you will understand why.  Trust me, I have seen this happen in my own life, time and time again.  Garth Brooks has a song called 'Unanswered Prayers', you should listen to that or the song 'One Day at a Time Sweet Jesus'. 

 

Anyway, your next feat will be EDUCATION!  You MUST be educated to be a strong woman and provider for your family that you will have one day.  If you like nice things and want your kids to have nice things you must take your education extremely serious.  You can be ANYTHING you want to be.  Never feel that you cannot achieve something you dream of.  Dream big and set goals that are short term and long term.  Check them off one at a time.  If you very simply do your homework and what is expected of you you will be unstoppable.

 

Respect yourself!  Respect yourself in a way that you demand nothing less from others.  You get respect by demanding it through your actions.  Your actions of treating others like you would like to be treated in any given situation.  If someone is always negative or talking nasty about others or complaining all the time, then you should move your friendship or relationship away from them so they do not infect you with their sadness and despair.  It doesn't mean just outsiders, but that would include family too.  You can love your family from afar as you can close up.  What I am trying to say is surround yourself with people that share love and laughter, and positive support.

 

Love your Mother and Father and any siblings you may have.  They are your first right of defense when times get tough. As a girl and young woman, you will go through a period in your life that you will feel that your mother is always wrong and doesn't understand how you feel.  Believe me when I say that she does understand and that she is truly your best friend you could ever ask for.  But until you become of age that you can become friends she must be your mother first and discipline and guide you.  She is only doing this to make you the best person you can possibly be.  You see Payton, God gave you to her and her job is to teach you.  This isn't just book related teachings this is also life teachings.  Listen to her because she only speaks to you out of true love.  The truest love you will ever encounter while on this earth.

 

Of course I will always be here for you and will always have an open door to love you unconditionally.  None of us are perfect in this world and must find our own path in life.  I pray that yours will be filled with dreams, adventure and curiosity to feed your hunger, to strive for more.

 

As you may hear stories about your ole' Granny, you may laugh and think "she is or was wild", yes I was and have paid steep prices for some decisions I have made.  But would I change things and do them differently?  Probably not because they were stepping stones that led me to where I am today. I have a wonderful, successful family that God has blessed me with.  God has seen me through a lot of very dark times only to bring me out of the darkness years later. 

 

I love you Payton with all my heart and soul and I ask only a few simple things of you....Please don't ever get involved with drugs or drinking heavily.  Don't let a man devalue your existence.  Build your self respect on character, making your word as good as a contract. Achieve and conquer any and all your dreams.  Be a good Mother to your children and always make them your priority.  Make it a point to teach them about God and push them to become productive educated individuals too.

 

Yours Always,

 

Granny Jordan

Poor Baby Girl...

You were born with Jaundice, which is very normal for newborns. In the hospital they continued to warn us that your levels were rising. 

When we left the hospital, you continued to increasingly turn yellow in color. 

We went back into the doctor's office and they were alarmed and thought that you might need to be readmitted to the hospital so that you could lay under the bili bed. They weren't sure though and sent us over to St. Clare, where you were born, for further testing. 

I am already very emotional and hormonal, and this was not the news I wanted to hear.

As they took us back into a small "lab" room so that they could draw your blood, I immediately began to cry. They were preparing your tiny little feet to be stuck yet again, and I started to absolutely lose it. I went to the bathroom and left you with Daddy. I sobbed and sobbed in the bathroom and couldn't stand the thought of seeing you get poked or stabbed with a needle one more time. I was so tired of it.

I decided it was not fair of me to leave you alone, for my own selfish reasons (because I didn't want to feel the pain of watching you in pain), so I walked back into the room. 

I didn't care if the nurses saw me crying.

As I walked back in the room...I found Daddy holding you, making a joke to the nurse. She was laughing, and you were sitting there..SLEEPING! 

Sleeping while they were taking blood from your feet. 

I guess I was the only one hurt after all!

Love,

Mommy

It's Bath Time Baby!

Your very first sponge bath = SCARY!

We were so scared! We practiced this in class, but that was with a non living infant. 

YOU ARE ALIVE! 

We were afraid we would drop you, we would get water in your eyes or ears, that the water was to hot or cold, that we didn't get all the shampoo out..The list could go on forever!

You are just so precious and we are so scared. This is all so new!

Love,

Mommy

Our Journey Begins...

And it is time..

It's time to take you home. To our home. To your home.

We are ecstatic to finally bring you home and to begin our journey as a family of three. We are so excited for you to meet your baby (puppy) sister, Chloe. Daddy and I got Chloe when she was just a few weeks old, right after we got married. Chloe has been like a daughter to us. She means the world to us and we are so excited for the two of you to meet. You will grow to be best friends.

Leaving the hospital caused me tremendous anxiety. When the nurse came in to help us pack up and put you in your car seat, I became overwhelmed with worry, sadness, and most of all, FEAR. 

We are taking you out of this hospital; the place where you needed to be if something were to go wrong, the place where you needed to be in case we didn't know what to do or how to do it. 

We were taking you into the real world. When we put you in that car, you were entering the real world. 

I felt the stress of "what if's" and almost felt as if I were taking you out of your "bubble." 

It was at this very moment that I realized that I would never live my life "worry free". 

As long as I am alive, I will worry about you. 

My greatest prayer and hope for you: Your safety, health, and happiness.

You looked absolutely beautiful and precious all bundled up in your car seat. You had a pretty little hat on, and slept so peacefully. While Daddy went and got the car, you sat in my lap in your car seat and slept like an angel, while mommy cried like a baby...

And then we arrived home...

Mommy's friends, Stacey and Ashley decorated our house so cute for your arrival. 

And you met your Puppy Sister for the First Time...

Then Daddy and I just left you in your seat. You looked so peaceful and we were so scared...

We love you, our Sweet Baby Girl.

Love,

Mommy and Daddy

A New Generation of Love...

What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies!"

Your First Visitors...

We were flooded with phone calls, visitors, well wishes, etc. The outpouring of love and support for our new family was incredible. There were so many people who cared about your birth, who loved you, and who were so anxious to meet your beautiful face! Although there were many, here are just a few...

Granny Jordan
And Boy, does she love you. 

Mommy's Best Friend since Middle School, Stacey.

Aunt Sandy, Jack, and Connor

Uncle Mike & Aunt Amy

Aunt Robin

Grandma Helen

Aunt Danielle & Summer

One of Daddy's Best Friends, Bryan McMunn

Grandma Dimitro

Grandpa Dimitro

Aunt Ashley

Aunt Lauren

Our Friend, Josh & Debbie with their baby, Nora!

Aunt Amy & Hailey

Uncle Neil

Mommy's Friend, Amy Sundell!